The Kindness of Strangers

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by Merely Me
Sunday, June 07, 2009

I wrote this piece several years ago after an encounter my son and I had with an elderly stranger.  When you have a child who has special needs who may look or act differently than other kids, you sometimes begin to think of the world as a cruel place.  The angry stares, the giggles, and unsaid judgments can feel so hurtful.  After awhile you tend to become judgmental yourself and think that the public is going to automatically shun your child.  But then there are people like the stranger who I describe in this story who surprise you with their kindness. 

I would love to hear your personal stories about how the public treats you or your child.  Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by the kindness of strangers?

On any given day going outside my door is often a test of wills.  My son Max, who has autism, has the frenetic energy of ten toddlers on a sugar high.  Going into the public domain is often fraught with interesting results.  I tend to leave my ego at the door before I go out. 

My child, bless his little soul, does some "weird" stuff.  He has pretended to ice-skate in the library by placing books beneath his feet to slide on them.  He has jumped up and down croaking like a frog whilst in the video store.  And he may answer questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with..."A gorilla."  Of course all this is nothing new to me.  Max does interesting things all day long.  Yet sometimes the public is not hip to his unique little nature.  And we get the stares.  I guess I don't mind the stares so much as the stares paired with judgment. 

I realize that the world does not spin on its axis for me or my children.  People will stare.  People will judge.  The world does not have to accept me or my son.   I am powerless to change anything but myself. 

You would think that over time I would become immune to the world's reactions. When I go out into the world I put on my public face which does not show what I am feeling.  What I genuinely am feeling at times is a deep and soulful hurt.  This usually manifests later when the house is quiet and still.  The tears fall then, when I am sure my emotions will not bother anyone. 

And so when I go out into the world I am both grateful and humbled when I do run into kindness from others. Since I don't expect it, it always catches me by surprise.  I have found that Max does bring out the best in some people, even from the most outwardly curmudgeonly folk.  Somehow he works his special magic and infuses people with a bit of pixie dust.

Such was the case when we paid a visit to a small playground located in the community.  This particular playground is adjacent to a privately maintained swimming pool.  A friend of mine pays to use this pool and so she sometimes takes Max there or to the playground.  My friend describes the pool help and owners as the "pool nazis" where every infringement of rules is strictly pointed out and possibly punished.  I cringed at the thought of my little rule breaker at this place.  I prayed he would behave himself.