How to use "Prompts" and "Fading" to teach Independence

Thank you for sharing these things with us. It is very timely for me right now, as my 18 year old son will fly for the first time by himself next month. We are all anxious about it. But, it is a further step for him in becoming independent. It is a long flight as well (from the east coast to the west) and I am a bit fearful for him as he tires so easily.

When I read this post, I could not help but remember how I finally taught my son to clean his room. I knew he had some learning disabilities, but I did not yet know he had VCFS. I somehow did not have understanding that learning disabilities spill over into certain daily tasks. I often scolded him for how messy he was in his room. Each time he would look rather sad and ask me to please help him. In my ignorance, I often took this as if he really did not want to shoulder the burden. However, I could not stand the mess and somehow he never managed to bring it under control by himself. So, I would succumb and help him clean his room. Then one day during a heart to heart talk I realized my son was completely overwhelmed by the mess himself and actually DID NOT know what to do. This was a revelation for me. I suddenly understood that it was not just in math that he lacked grouping skills, but it was in very practical daily chores as well. This helped me to understand my son immensely. I began to get books and DVD's on this subject.

So, what I did was exactly what you are describing. I made him an easy to read chart of how to clean his room. Now, you may be thinking he was a little boy, but he was actually 15 years old when this dawned on me that he needed that kind of help.

At the top of his chart it read: Room Rules

Here is the list that I wrote on his chart:

ROOM RULES

1. Make your bed as soon as you get up.

2. Pick up around your bed and room:

               * take dishes to the kitchen

               * put books back on shelf

               * throw trash in trash can

3. If you get something out put it away AS SOON as you are finished with it.

4. When you change your clothes:

               *if they are dirty, put them in the dirty clothes basket

               *if you are going to wear them again hang them on the back of the door

5. After your shower hang your towel to dry.

6. Empty the trash can.

7. Sweep and mop on Fridays.

I realized I needed to help him make a place for things in his room. We move fairly often, so I started doing this everytime, even though he was now a teenager. I am happy to say, that although he occasionally still needs help bringing order he does a fine job at keeping his room clean and even cleaning it when he lets it get out of control. Even though he is now 18 years old, he still has his 'Room Rules' hanging on the back of his door. 

I saw this as a valuable learning experience for myself in helping my son reach his potential. I realized that sometimes I take simple things for granted as if it is a given he will just eventually 'get it'. But, I must take every opportunity, while I still have them to help him have confidence and reach his full potential. Learning disabilities can be far reaching, beyond pen and paper. But patience and perserverance can yield a sweet reward, both to the giver and the receiver.

Its a very good post. Thanx for sharing your experience.
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