Friends of Quinn

Change can be very stressful to me, but coping with change is not something that comes easily to me. I used to shut down in stressful situations or lash out and become generally insufferable to those around me. Neither of those actions is really acceptable in the professional adult world, so I needed to learn to adjust. I hadn’t even realized that it was an issue until after I started living on my own (which actually spurred a lot of the maturing I’ve done in recent years). Over the years, many counselors have tried to teach my coping skills, but I really had to work to find strategies that worked for me.

Coping with work stress and most day-to-day stressors has gotten easier, mostly because I love what I do. My job has a lot of pressures; I need to be very quick, very consistent, and sometimes just able to endure mind-meltingly boring tasks. When I get the urge to just shut down or escape, I no longer have the option to do it physically (because it would be unprofessional and screw my coworkers over). Instead, I stop thinking about the impossible number of things I have to do and just buckle down. I try to get “into the zone” and tackle one job at a time. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate this hard if I didn’t love my work and believe in my abilities as a cook. So I guess I am good at dealing with a high-stress job because I found my career niche.

Social stressors are more of an ongoing challenge. Often when I’m invited to hang out or go to a party, I’d prefer to stay home and follow my usual routine. Routine can be a good way of dealing with change, but it doesn’t help me form new relationships or have new experiences. I’m making a serious effort to get out of my comfort zone in this new city, but it’s definitely not easy.

My fiancée and I have devised a signal that basically means “I need to leave now.” We understand that the other person is feeling overwhelmed/frustrated/exhausted and go along with it, no questions asked. I don’t think it’s good to run away from situations, but it can really help to take a break and cool down. With so few friends in the area, we’ve ramped up the communication between us to make sure we’re doing okay among all this newness.

One thing that I have gained from our recent move is that it helps to lean on my family and friends back home for support. I’ve been playing a lot of videogames with my old friends, and that helps me feel less isolated while I try to find my social circle here. At the same time, I’ve learned to communicate better when I’m feeling stressed out.